Episode 100: The Final Episode

Written by Lindsay Hansen Park on . Posted in year of polygamy

11082556_10205227555879840_6826821599420499611_n Join Lindsay as she records her final episode in the Year of Polygamy series. Part Two of this episode. Mormon historians talk about their personal views on Mormon polygamy: The Live Recording taped on June 27, 2015 at Writ & Vision in Provo, Utah.   Special thanks to Writ & Vision and Brad Kramer for hosting our final episode. Please go support them!

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Comments (10)

  • Barbara Hanks

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    Lindsay,

    Thank you for your research, your speaking out, and especially your honesty when you were confronted with the truth.

    One of your most powerful statements was made in this episode when you called out the Mormon leadership for “breaking the hearts of women and calling it consecration.” Wow.

    Reply

  • John

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    Lindsay,

    I just finished listening to the final episode. I totally agree with the live recording issues and was happy to have the final episode recorded like the others.

    I’ve enjoyed listening to the series, I didn’t always agree or feel totally comfortable with your conclusions or discussions, but this year has made polygamy accessible to many and for that I thank you.

    Reply

  • Tiffany

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    Thank you for the blood, sweat, and tears you obviously put into this great work. Listening has brought both pain and peace to my soul.

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  • Noell Hyman

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    That was a powerful end to a powerful series. I agree with Barbara. The statement made an impact on me: “breaking the hearts of women and calling it consecration.”

    Thank you, Lindsay, for all that you’ve done with this series. I would be thrilled if, in the future, you come back and add more if you ever feel up to it again. But your health and wellness first. Much appreciation.

    Reply

  • Risa

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    Lindsay,

    Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

    The Year of Polygamy has meant so much to me! For personal reasons, and not pleasant ones, I had needed to study polygamy. Every minute of your hard work brought me blessings. I needed the hard look, and because of you, I had the opportunity. And I didn’t have to be alone as I dealt with facts that were both sad and freeing. I will journey on to my own Zion–not that Zion!

    Beyond my own person reasons, what you have built here will stand as a witness of what polygamy really is. It will remain to influence and impact the future! Your work is heroic!

    Reply

  • Nancy

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    Yes ladies: be real righteous and you too can look forward to share your husband in the Celestial kingdom! Yippe- skippee! There never has been any comfort about Polygamy since I read Annie Clark Tanners autobiography many years ago. I feel a lot better since I apostazised!

    Reply

  • Jeannine

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    I loved this episode. I would like you to condense it and make it into a Ted Talk.

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  • Sandra Weeler

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    The Polygamy lifestyle has many benifits for both couples and single women, including single mothers!

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  • Dave

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    Lindsay,

    I’ve really enjoyed the series – so much incredible research and difficult discoveries. The guests you had, the articles, reports, and books you referenced… all gold. Too often, we (as a culture… as Mormons) tend to be pretty superficial in our studies and I appreciate your attention to detail and depth.

    Episode 100 helped highlight the personal pain some feel over these stories and this history (pain you’ve referenced and alluded to in past episodes, but never so vehemently expressed). Your confessed internalization of these narratives is something others likely share. I am fascinated by this history and find it instructive – but haven’t been effected personally or emotionally in the same deep ways you have been. As such, this episode helped remind me that people I know have, do, or will struggle in ways similar to you. Thanks for sharing and reminding us of that.

    Reply

  • Zuzupetals

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    I’ve journeyed through your series looking for answers to my own situation. My husband married a widow sealed to her late husband in the midst of our first courtship. Its a mixed up series of events. He and I met in my 20’s dated and he proposed. He was divorce but sealed to his first wife who left him after not being able to have children and other issues. We needed to get a temple clearance so we could be sealed. First marriage for me. He suggested since I was overwhelmed with my full time job, school and wedding plans that we “postpone” things. Two months later he told me he wasn’t sure about us anymore as he was writing someone online. I took that as we were maybe still on. He’s a divorcee maybe he needs more time? He’s fast , I’m slow (to catch on). By the end of the week her emails were very sexually aggressive. She talked of her high school nickname being stripper. She writes like a call girl with teasing and things like talking of her taking her clothes off for him and dancing in the nude. I call it her whoreship instead of courtship. (One day I need to forgive her I’m told.). She speaks to the man I love who is not sealed of him “ravishing her body” in sexual maneuvers. Though he doesn’t initiate it or lead out in it he eats it us. He formally let’s me know “he’s no longer available for our relationship.” They write for two more weeks more of the same on her part and him cheering on the virtual pornography she’s supplying with an occasional scripture share, they meet in person and get engaged the following weekend resulting soon after with an elopement to the temple (the one I had looked forward to us being married in that same summer.). It was to be one of the last wedding for time only to be done in the temple I’m told. I was deviated. I went into literal shock when I learned they were engaged. I hadn’t processed the end of us, for me we were still engaged figuring it out. I think I didn’t believe he was really serious about another after the eight months we’d shared and the life he had asked me to consider. He says he married for the kids. (But they weren’t the ones emailing him!).

    After she bore his first born he was at my door to “talk.” He was confused as to why he and I didn’t workout. He made chat about his life and the kids. I figured he may need closure as it all happened fast and for me on top of an existing relationship. I listened and then he told me affectionately he was still in love with me and had been that while time gesturing as if he’d like to help me understand with a kiss as his hand moves to my face. I wished him well and ended the conversation. (He denies this but it’s not something a person easily forgets from their former fiancé.

    Eight years later and after two separations she declared she wanted a divorce. She “used him to be a dad, didn’t love him, never had, never would. He wasn’t sealed but could be.” She said if “I had dated you longer I wouldn’t have married you.”

    His first wife by now has remarried and is sealed to her new husband. (As far as I know.). I never knew her but I think I would have liked her. (Not as a plural wife but as a person).

    He called me up and was surprised to learn I had never married. He confessed he had made a “terrible mistake and should have married me.” He said he had thought of me many times over the years. I had loved him as if he was the only man there ever was (my therapist calls me the eternal romantic) but when he left me as he did I was so injured I lost all feeling for him and most of life. It was helpful not to pine for him. Even though they weren’t sealed he was gone forever. I didn’t imagine since they weren’t sealed I could perhaps wait for him for the next life although he confesses he thought maybe after a life of marriage raising children. Never in a million years would I have imagined we’d be together. I prayerfully agreed to take him back as I felt to marry him was not just my choice (overlooking his emotional infidelity to her since I was the real thing, right) but what my heavenly parents had in mind for me as well. We’ve had four very painful years of marriage mixed with the genuine parts of us that feel right and a proud, rude dismissive ex he feels at gun point to please so he can have access to the kids he doesn’t have custody of, which she removed from the parenting time after a year or so later. She has some redemptive qualities somewhere but it’s hard for me to see them through the wake of her choices pillaging through my life and the ruins of my ideals. I try to have no contact with her as possible and though I was warm at first she made it clear to me that I just as well be invisible. We are sealed and I feel it is right but also relate to the comment “it nearly killed me.” I know it’s my choice and I feel strong enough to leave if that was right for me to do, that’s not the issue but as I pray I have confirm to hold on. I don’t worry too much about being asked to live plurally in the next life but I feel stuck dealing with the eternal picture of progeny not of my womb but the equivalent of my husband getting a club stripper pregnant and needing to overlook that for the relationship and now a new and second narrative that it was all part of a “plan” that they marry (at my horror and expense ofcourse) so the kids would have a dad and she says the two children were “conceived in purpose.” He feels much the same which flies in the face of his apology and claim “I made a terrible mistake and should have married you.” Which is it!? It’s psychological mayhem in my head and heart. I thought we were fixing his mistake because he did a stupid human and the beginnings of my eternal union adulterated (my prime child bearing years too). I can deal with a mistake I think somehow but I am having a hard time learning my betrayal and my desire for an uninterrupted faithful start to finish was God’s way. I’m a mess on the inside. I cry a lot. I don’t know how to embrace my want to heal in my long awaited finally monogamous eternal union I’ve come to be told was also righteously and justifiably adulterated in the name of a leverite purpose. No one asked me (unless it was premortal) and I have to walk in faith to figure out I need to have a talk with my premortal self who agreed to this?! I love the church. I love my husband. I wish his ex could have married someone else’s guy as plural wife or yet better a widower in similar shoes if she wanted to remarry or felt she had more children to have. Why did she have to throw herself at my guy?

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